had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
