tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so let's talk penis.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
