i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize