When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
