don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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