So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize