There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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