Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
