I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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