i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
