what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize