Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
