My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize