So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i think i just lost a toe
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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