A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
