Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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