i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
