Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
