i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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