We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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