I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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