She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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