I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
