That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
