i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
