I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
