the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
