1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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