found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
