I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
