How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
