I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
