You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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