Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
