If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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