I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
