My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
