Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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