i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Drake has all the answers
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
