so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
