A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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