i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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