Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
