just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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