So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
do herpes really smell.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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