I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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