In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
