This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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