It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
