You just made me feel so damn special
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
