Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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