Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
