We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
