so explain again why im purple
no
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
