I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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