Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
