the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize