Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
