Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
