who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
