maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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