Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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