It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
