we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
