I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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