wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
