Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
