then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
