Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize