I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
