He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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