I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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