Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
