Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
