i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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