i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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