Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
