Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
