woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
