I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
