you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
