Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
