i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
