This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
