I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
