I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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