mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
