Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
