Your mouth is God's brothel.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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